Thursday, 29 October 2009

When I have time, I wonder

Too many times in the past week I've gone 'I know! Exactly!' while watching Dexter. Commiserating with a vigilante serial killer. For someone who is so dead against even capital punishment, this is brand new.

Sometimes I wonder if, as a generation, we're all pansies or getting there quickly. I think the people I know alone keep the hand sanitizer industry afloat and not attending close family funerals because you 'cannot deal with it'? When did it get okay to indulge your neuroses so much?

This has been a bad month for trust. Sometimes all you can hear is the empty clanking sounds of long cherished concepts as they fall about your feet. Is it still trust if you know you won't be surprised if the things you're most afraid will happen, do?

Writing is not therapeutic for me anymore, it's become this anxious, regimented farce. I feel terribly close to just letting it all go to hell.

I haven't touched a cigarette in nearly two weeks now. Now that I'm a non-smoker, I want my testimony to be heard: This sucks. It's more sanitary, sure, but more suffocating too. Giving up was the easy bit. Making your peace with now being on the side of The Righteous Twats is harder.

How much do the choices of the people close to us, reflect on us? Think about it. If your boyfriend's last love made Fatal Attraction seem adorable and one of your closest friends adores someone who calls everyone 'babes' - what does that say about you? Are you the antidote? Or more frighteningly, do you share something in common with those people? Ever think, how could he/she have loved them and me?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

dear irate lady,

First off - i love your writing style but while reading it a hideous image crossed my mind... i thought of a skinny 65 year old spinster who s finally found a person of the opposite sex who's obviously still talking about another woman in your presence but you hold on to him as its been awhile .... you have bad hair and a bit of a hunch and while you pretend not to care you wonder about yourself and worthwhile you really are every night ... depressing really, my thoughts r with you.
keep writing!

gyurkovics said...

Dear Anon,

That's preposterous!

I'm not skinny.

Anonymous said...

hahaha *where's the "like" button*.